I speak of grief from a personal point of reference, specifically talking about the death of my dad, but we all know that loss comes in several forms. To experience 2 types of loss in a short period of time can be difficult to process and even more difficult to lead/support people through these losses. I worked alongside and for my dad for several years before he died, and still years later the vacancy of my dad is still evident in my workplace, but also the beautiful reminder that he did exist is seen in the simplest yet most beautiful ways. Grief ambushed me at work this past week and not necessarily for the most obvious reasons. How does one deal with losses in the workplace?

For example, here are two scenarios about losses in the workplace. The first, individuals who decide that moving on to the next in their future is what’s best for them, a resignation, you release them to go into their future and they’re no longer a co-worker or an employee. Here is a loss of the presence of someone, but you could still have contact and can see them, and you have the opportunity to reconcile with this loss during their 2 weeks’ notice period, but a loss still the same to your day to day in the future of your workplace. Now for the second, the loss of life, of someone you worked with, a coworker, now this is permanent loss, no presence ever again. You could have had a conversation with them the day before and then the news of them passing away was a mere 12 hours after your interaction, this is a tragic loss. Grief in the workplace is a difficult road to navigate, even with all the proper GPS, or the ability to be your very own compass, loss in the workplace can’t be ignored and it must be acknowledged.

The losses shared above are the very things I was dealing with this past week in my workplace. As I’m typing this, I’m reminded how over 16 years ago my parents suggested or directed, perhaps both (giggling in my head and smirking while at my laptop), that I become schooled in the art of Human Resources, and I remember thinking, are they crazy?? Putting me deliberately in charge of individuals in the workplace, learning to be a counsellor, sometimes a referee, a therapist (my office came furnished with a couch), a motivator, a pastor, a financial planner, the list could go on and on; the job description didn’t come with these extra occupations but they have attached themselves to my role, and some of these hats I wear naturally and some I have been able to grow into. I think my parents saw what I could be and spoke and prayed my abilities into existence and the death of my dad has made me even more effective and intentional in the workplace and for that I am truly grateful.

Nobody likes talking about death, or the personal losses we endure, not necessarily associated to but not limited to life. Death/loss makes people uncomfortable, it’s a topic that is often seen as taboo, frowned upon, or forbidden to talk about. People aren’t at ease to just share their thoughts, to be vulnerable with just anyone or to even simply be involved in a commentary on death, loss, or grief. I think in the community of our workplaces we need to foster an attitude of openness, of mutual support to one another when it comes to these heavy issues, to make ourselves available to be a safe place to participate in grief together. Whether the loss is through death or through secondary losses; if you don’t make room to recognize this grief, it will just keep showing up, and sit like the elephant in the room or in every office of your workplace. You can’t hide from it or get away from it. If you’re trying to deal with loss on your own, in the workplace, reach out to a trusted coworker, to HR (we’re not all bad☺️) who should be equipped with extra resources and support to be able to walk through the loss with you. You don’t have to go it all alone.

On average if you work a full-time job, you’re spending over 2000 hours a year with your coworkers, more waking hours than some spend with their own families, and if you’re fortunate enough, your coworkers become another family for you, your home away from home. When they become like family, and one suddenly passes away and another resigns their position, grief is in every office, in the hallways, in the lunchroom it’s everywhere, and we need to remind one another that “it’s ok to not be ok”. We live in a world where we can’t escape the reality of loss, whether it be the loss of life, ending of relationships, the death of dreams, loss of positions, bankruptcies, the number of losses for people is endless, it’s a huge file, boxes of files that we’ve all accumulated of the losses we’ve experienced in our lives. Yet one day, for me, this past week, you may be organizing your boxes, and be surprised to find out that one of the biggest losses that you have ever experienced in your life will be your greatest report of what you can endure.