The Long-Lasting Journey

“Well, because it can’t all be sorrow, can it. I have always been alone, so I don’t feel the lack, it is all I have ever known, I have never experienced loss because I have never had a loved one to lose, but what is grief, if not love persevering.” ~ Vision of the MCU, WandaVision

Vision had some real vision with this line. He was trying to comfort his love, Wanda, while showing empathy as best he could and that is what captured everything for me. How does one get from point A, the actual moment after the last breath is taken, to Point B where you are managing life without them and learning to persevere in their absence? For everyone it’s a different journey and that’s exactly what it is, a journey. Some can take this journey with only the shirt on their back, and some must pack 3 suitcases, the garment bag, the messenger bag, and the cute little toiletries bag with the cool little mirror in the top - whatever you need to help you on this never-ending journey is what YOU need on YOUR journey.

Grief is personal, it looks different for everyone. It looks different to siblings who have lost a parent, to siblings who have lost a sibling, to the parents who have lost a child, mom and dad will feel the grief differently. I think the most important step in your journey, the first step in your journey is that it’s yours and you don’t have to explain to anyone what you’re bringing with you and why.

It’s also the same that you don’t have to explain what you’re doing on this journey, just go on it. People take trips differently, some like to be busy, sightseeing, looking at every little thing in the region to make sure that they don’t miss a thing. While some just like to sit on the beach and relax in the sun and do absolutely nothing, but both would agree they’ve travelled to some destination.

I recall someone asking me why I call my grief a journey; I’m trying to get somewhere; I’m trying to navigate life without someone I would rather do life with, and my journey won’t end until I end, and my children will be on their journey in my absence. When we love someone so much and so deeply the journey is even tougher, the terrain is rugged, the weather is unstable, it doesn’t matter what you’ve packed in all those bags you’re never fully prepared for the day’s events. You thought your wedge heels, or your black Oxfords would be good to wear today but really you need rubber boots with woolly socks. What I’m really trying to say is thank goodness you had even the wedges and the Oxfords because you had plans to go outside and walk, to get somewhere, to move.

Our grief can sometimes paralyze us to a point where we start to seize, and THAT my friend is not a good state to be in. That is when you need to gather your “travel agents” if you will, around you to remind you to move to your next destination on your journey. It’s so important to have “travel agents” that you can trust, that will encourage you to keep travelling, that will support you when you need it, and YOU know who those people are in your life.

I was semi-prepared for my long haul as my dad had a on again off again relationship with cancer for years. Cancer was like Ross and Rachel, “WE WERE ON A BREAK”, and then back together again. I was slowly starting to pack for my journey, a journey that I knew I had to take. When someone dies, we must “go there”. We don’t want to but eventually we must, or it will begin to overtake your life. Eventually your pilgrimage, your journey, will be that like the Ross and Rachel saga and you will also be able to tell your grief – hey, we’re on a break right now - and that is when I feel you’ve arrived at point B and you’re learning to persevere in this loss.

jour·ney

an act of traveling from one place to another.

"she went on a long journey"